The Cliff’s Edge: Wrestling with Identity Loss and Transition in Migration

Menstrual Cycle: Follicular – Day 8

Location: Home – desk, son is watching TV

Context: Finding the right LIFE OS to help me move forward with my life projects

🧠 Thought Stream

[context thought]: My experience in joining the Fat Loss Challenge (end of week 1 of 6) was chaotic, disturbed my way of eating, doing. Exercising is not an issue but of eating differently (asks for different skills, preparation, and what-else-is-needed). It adds stress, disappointments that my capacities can’t sustain. It shakens me up, but I’m learning that it’s a feedback loop as i remembered a little bit of Donella Meadows’ book, Thinking in Systems . It has similarities in me living here as an international newcomer here in Canada. Three years living here is still a “learning” and “adapting” in progress. Finding a planner that works for me can’t be simplified like in an Essentialism Planner by Greg McKeown advocates, or too systematic like August Bradley’s.

[questioning thought]: Can it make sense the in-betweens? Every time I write a task or jobs to do, it’s as if I’m fighting for my used-to identity to still be with me. Unfortunately, I’m getting further and further away.

[metaphorical thought]: I feel like I’m in a tragic incident that the old me is clinging on to my new me at the cliff; where there’s rocks, angry waves.. and the old and new me are holding each other’s hands refusing to let go no matter what.

[extended metaphor thought]: The old me is at the mercy of my strength, endurance, of finding ways to pull me up back to safety, to reunite and start in a good footing. I’m imaging it’s a gloomy day, foggy, chilly day. My hands and arms are sore, numb, in pain of not losing grip while holding tightly to this light branch of tree, eyes and mind are searching for something sturdy to hold on to. Both in me are counting on it.

[existential questioning thought]: What could I find? How can I build the strengths I need? What strategies and tools could I use around me to keep me in spirit in times of wanting to give up on my current and old self? Will I let my new in transition self jump over the cliff with my old self?

[uncertain conclusion thought]: I don’t know.

End at 11:14

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