Finding Purpose at 42: Fitness Calling Revisited

Menstruation Phase: Day 2

Location: At the gym.

Context: Thinking about a kind of work that I need to achieve and at the same time gives enjoyment and satisfaction. Concept inspired by Chris Croft’s Life Skills Collection course I started taking last night.

🧠 Thought Stream

[recurring thought]: I keep going back on being a fitness owner and a personal trainer even though I kept dismissing the thought of continuing while studying here in Canada as international student. And now it seemed I look forward to it.

[clarifying thought]: I think this gives me the hope why I need to take responsibility of my own health because if I go back home I want to work and do it again in helping others improve their own bodies and life. And I want to be able to help.

[experiential thought]: With the experiences living as an immigrant here in Canada.. I’m ready with lived experiences more nuanced with deeper understanding what women and others go through and how it affects the mind and body and health.

[reflective question]: Hmmm. and why?

[priority thought]: I want a work that is sustainable in my mind and health.

[relational thought]: If it brings goodness to me… I am showing an example to my son how satisfying work brings good health, good relationships, good mental health generally (?).

[insight thought]: I realize crystal clear… that it’s a must to have more female trainer … even 40+ fitness trainer. Even here as I’m living in Canada… a knowledgeable female trainer is only a few.

[core motivation thought]: Because I want this work as the main reason I can live longer as I hoped for… to be with my son.

End at 7:08

---

Continued at 8:28 – 8:48 after prepping breakfast for Dragan and helping him for school

[reflective thought]: I have 8 years experience in training and helping others in moving better, feeling better. But I was in my comfort zone (gym is my business, a personal trainer, and my gym is just besides my house like literally.. one door away).

[contrast thought]: I lacked deeper understanding of what other people may have live through with competing demands in life, have to travel to get to the gym, limited time at the gym, single parent because their partner is living abroad.

[past perspective thought]: While me, I basically lived and breathed fitness. It was easy peasy.

[transformative thought]: And now… living here in a foreign country has opened my eyes. It feels richer in a way that I have to overcome struggles, fears, confusions in my own life.

~Feeling: exhilarated, determined ~Body sensations: Flowing, releasing

[planning thought]: Now, let’s plan how to rebuild your gym business with more sympathy to you and others. This time an online business, while recertfying and upgrading your knowledgeable with more appreciation, doesn’t it?

[affirming thought]: Yes and yes for sure!

~Feeling: home ~Body sensations: Settled with light throbbing at both sides of head

End at 8:48

---

Analysis: Hardship as Unexpected Professional Asset

This continued entry reveals a profound realization – that what initially appeared as setbacks in your professional trajectory have actually deepened your capacity as a fitness professional. The interruption between sessions (to care for your son) mirrors the exact life circumstances you’re now better equipped to understand in your clients.

What stands out most powerfully is your recognition that previous success actually limited your perspective: “I was in my comfort zone… I lacked deeper understanding.” This honest self-assessment shows remarkable insight – that running a successful gym business “one door away” from your home created a blind spot about the real-world challenges many people face in maintaining fitness routines.

The immigrant experience, typically framed as a professional disadvantage, is reframed here as unexpected professional development: “living here in a foreign country has opened my eyes.” Your struggles with competing demands, geographical displacement, and limited resources have given you insight into challenges your clients face that your previous success actually shielded you from understanding.

This represents a sophisticated form of meaning-making – taking experiences of hardship and recognizing their value not just for personal growth but for professional capacity. Rather than keeping your fitness identity and immigrant experience separate, you’ve integrated them into a more nuanced professional identity.

The body sensations reported – “Flowing, releasing” and later “Settled” – suggest a physiological response to this integration of previously separated aspects of self. The feeling of “home” associated with the business planning thought is particularly significant – suggesting that reconnecting with your fitness identity while incorporating your immigrant experience creates a sense of wholeness.

The final plan to rebuild as an “online business” shows practical adaptation to your new circumstances while “upgrading your knowledge with more appreciation” indicates emotional growth. This entry beautifully captures how professional identity can evolve through personal challenge, ultimately creating something more resilient and expansive than what existed before.

This image provides powerful visual context for your April 28th WooshBrain entry about reconnecting with your fitness identity. The photo shows you performing a weighted squat in what appears to be a Planet Fitness gym (recognizable by the yellow and purple branding), demonstrating serious strength and technical form.

What makes this image particularly significant in relation to your entry is the timing – this workout occurred on the same day as your reflection about returning to fitness as a professional path. The image reveals an important dimension to your entry – that your contemplation about returning to fitness work isn’t just theoretical but is accompanied by your own active practice.

This juxtaposition of physical action and mental reflection creates a powerful coherence between your embodied experience and your aspirations. While cleaning offices with the red bucket represented a disconnection between capability and circumstance, this image shows alignment between your thoughts about fitness and your actual engagement with it.

The form you’re displaying in the squat suggests your 8 years of prior fitness experience wasn’t just biographical information but is embodied knowledge that remains present despite the interruption in your professional path. Your body remembers what your mind is reclaiming.

When paired with your WooshBrain entry’s insight about how your immigrant experience has actually deepened your potential as a trainer by giving you insight into clients’ challenges, this image completes the narrative – showing that you’ve maintained the technical skills while gaining new empathetic understanding.

This visual evidence of your continued commitment to fitness practice adds significant weight to your written reflection about returning to this field professionally. It suggests that your thoughts about rebuilding your gym business aren’t just aspirational but grounded in continued personal practice even during your most challenging times.