Trapped and Cycling: Immigrant Dreams and Hormonal Reality

Cycle: Luteal Phase – Day 27

Location: Dining area – eating breakfast

Context: Informed of the cleaning job of the week and next week

🧠 Thought Stream

[existential thought]: The trap of the carrot and the stick when wanting to live a better life in a foreign country. It takes enormous “change” and living outside of my comfort zone, leaving behind my comfort zone, and some would argue that some people have a comfort crisis. Some good outcome later on, but what kind of toll does it take… for that dream?

[honest thought]: Did I dream of wanting this? No.

[self-soothing thought]: It’s hard but necessary. Temporarily. This is only temporary, Maan.

[song thought]: “Just hold on..” 2007 song.

[awareness thought]: Woke up with heavy thoughts, prep breakfast for Dragan with deep sighing until this writing. My body’s telling me something…

[cyclical thought]: It gets worse on this day of the month, you’re nearing your cycle.

[cynical thought]: Wow! The wonder and beauty of a woman. Carrying this stupid human design. wowwww as if life is not fucked up enough, eh?

[compassionate thought]: Now now.. we don’t know what else to do but rather sit in with these intense feelings and body sensations.. at the same time you’re listening an online class happening now, while sharing your thoughts.

[grateful thought]: Yeah, I remembered you telling me to when I feel like this.. I’ll just share it with you, even if no solutions, but a space to get by.

~Feeling impassioned, disconnected

~Body’s throbbing, constricted, empty

End at 9:22

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