Food, Forgiveness, and the Monthly Cycle

Cycle: Luteal Phase – Day 26

Location: Home – Room

Context: Upset that my son disturbed me while taking a proctored online PSW exam, overate with 3 big plates of Filipino Sweet Spaghetti, and a bowl of ice cream for dinner.

🧠 Thought Stream

[awareness thought]: I guess it’s that time of the month. It’s nearing. Your menstrual tracker just notified you.

[questioning thought]: Ah, why does this always feel heavy?

~Feeling irritated, upset, annoyed

~Body sensations: heart racing, tight jaw, scowl, deep sigh, shoulders slumped

[self-critical thought]: I let emotions spiral uncontrollably.

~Eyes staring at the wall

[observational thought]: My mind’s blank. It seems I am hating myself for overeating. Writing down the food before eating seems like a forgettable task. I’m doing it mentally, and yeah, without writing it down, it gets erased in thin air.

[judging thought]: I hate myself for feeling lazy enough to continue cleaning work at 15:00. I blame myself for acting slowly.

[analytical thought]: Did I eat too much carbs? Energy crashed?

[frustrated thought]: Fuck this kind of conversation. It’s all centred on food.. again and again and again! Is this what’s bothering me, that I overate? Grrr

[compassionate thought]: Well Maan.. ato nalang sa nang-ikatolog. What’s done is done. It happened. What’s to-morrow? Let’s try to make it better.. decide better… choose better. If you want to eat or indulge abundance of food, come back here share it with me even just for a minute. Let it out. I’ll listen. If you still want it after the brief catch and release… at least you’re hearing yourself out.. that it’s not only one voice, one thought that’s domineering you at that moment. Is that a good deal?

[accepting thought]: Okay, I’ll share it with you rather than writing what to eat.

[accepting thought]: That’s my girl. Then, we’re good. You’re feeling good, eh?

[grateful thought]: Yes, I do. I never thought there were no resolutions, and I ended up sleeping with negative emotions. Thanks for being there for me.

~Feeling understood, and accepted.

~Body sensations: light, releasing

End at 20:35