Luteal Cycle: Day 18

Resistance Loop: The Paradox of Inaction

[resistance thought]: not in the mood nor the motivation to get back on here.
[feelings]: stressed, confused, guilty
[acknowledgment thought]: it seems i’m not following through what I intended to do.
[critical thought]: come on, it’s Monday
[conflicted thought]: still battling if at least I would and could exercise
[pressuring thought]: come on, it’s week 3 of your workout program
body: lips pouting
[reflection thought]: why is it like that yeah? it’s as if I’m addicted or craving for that full-pack to do’s in a Monday. making it seemed like I’m really busy, doing some stuffs and at the end of the day.. I get exhausted. why can’t I just appreciate a tasks doing it spreading in a week. one bit of it at a time. hmmm
[comparative thought]: yeah, like you’re pack-on weight. hmm waiting for that fat loss challenge to start losing weight and not starting to eat better ahead of that competition.
[corrective thought]: it’s not even a competition.
[reframing thought]: ok, competition to yourself to stay consistent.
body: big sigh
[questioning thought]: anyway, why? I’m all glued in YT scrolling, fb scrolling. what does it tell me?
body: stress response
[self-aware thought]: alright, negative thoughts in the room. acting like it. lol.
body: big sigh, lips pouting, big sigh
[observational thought]: your day looks like you’re bored but you’re unwilling to do what’s good for you. the plan. you had motivations yesterday.
body: big sigh
[perspective thought]: hmm.. seems your day is ordinary with no glitters. doesn’t make you feel pump to and fro. but does it always have to be that way, Maan?
[searching thought]: they say.. it’s the ordinary days .. moments that matters? gosh, i forgot what it says really.
[information-seeking thought]: or how about applying Oliver Burkeman’s quote that a moment (or a task?) is just 5 minutes of moment. thread it. gosh, forgot about it but it makes sense. let me look at the net.
[appreciative thought]: well.. found something that he’s advocating on Pomodoro technique. Bless this man on his anti-productivity approach. Such a breathe. Life-saver.
[critical self-talk thought]: you know, makes me feel that your entries are nothing spectacular. same same old stuffs. boring.
body: sigh, lips pouting
[reorienting thought]: hmm, really. you’re forgetting what is this for. it’s for us, thoughts. phew! the sound of being a human is complicated.
[awareness thought]: nothing’s really interesting in my mind right now. it seems like i’m stuck on just feeling bored BUT more glued in social media scrolling. what is this? is there any urgent to do?
[probing thought]: well what’s your plan?
[avoidance thought]: thinking but disinterested in checking the calendar
[stuck thought]: these days.. hard to move the needle.
[confronting thought]: well this convo is getting longer without meat. you’re confused, bored but don’t like to act on it or move. what’s stopping you?
[honest thought]: my motivation.. feelings of not wanting to do it. waiting for to-morrow to come to do it because i’m forced to.
[challenging thought]: should you really be forced all the time?
[defensive thought]: can’t i just do nothing, wasting time? today is set for just an exam, submitting a group assignment. aren’t those enough?
[critical thought]: then, what the heck are you complaining at?
[revealing thought]: because back in my mind.. something’s telling me it ain’t enough. i’m not doing enough to make the day.. THE DAY.
[liberating thought]: okay.. this THE DAY. I tell you. spend it like you want to.. without regrets. try it. just do it. you want to scroll?? do it. you don’t want to exercise?? do it. nothing’s wrong. it is your life, Maan Gail. Your life. period.
feeling: trapped, hesitant
body: cold, empty

end at 16:21