Follicular Phase: Day 12

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Morning Deliberations: The Dance Between Action and Reflection

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[planning thought]: how would I know (i’m not forcing myself) i would go the gym? early in the morning or after PSW class at 2pm?

[observing thought]: well, if you just prefer to watch YT about US politics because it’s more relaxing and entertaining, but not review for CELPIP.. then, that’s the cue

[questioning thought]: should I want to study now or later?

[reminding thought]: you know what, Trudee and your brother Kim and the kids are going back home tonight from their Philippines’ vacation and there’s a house to clean

[scheduling thought]: yes, i’m confused right now. i have 9am class, Dragan will be absent today at school, and I’ll be left alone. I have cleaning job 275 after that and appointment with Glow Spa. but need judko mag exercise ron because naka-schedule sya.

[challenging thought]: and no, you can’t clean 267 while on an online class, can you?

[problem-solving thought]: i’ll try. i think I can, and go straight to 275, then back home to clean the house? and then go back to downtown.

[reality-check thought]: hmm that’s a lot of time going back and forth. cleaning the living room, kitchen, and the fridge takes a lot of time. do it on Wednesday cleaning, can’t you?

[compassionate thought]: you really want to experience your time being too tight, out of margin. hmmm take it slow Maan. ayaw palabi. pagtoon nga dili tanan adlaw mura kag gilakag sa kabayo. take it slow. if it’s time to have a class, be it that way. ayaw pag multi-task. that is not the way. please. maguba napod ng imong utok ug lawas.

body: mentally disagreeing head movement like no no, with eyes closed

[decisive thought]: ok, i’ll go exercise now ⇨ then 9am-2pm class ⇨ clean the house ⇨ clean 275 ⇨ then the 17.15 Glow spa appointment

[nudging thought]: yep, you just gulped your workout meal … don’t waste it.

[defensive thought]: aw come on, pwede raman gud ko mag inom ana bisan dili mag exercise. stop saying what I can’t and can do. ok? i hate that tone as if I k now nothing. kasamok ba.

body: big sigh, body stress, light throbbing headache

[reconciling thought]: ok, so sorry about that. sometimes part of me has to be stern with you. sometimes you’re lacking focus and direction. and someone has to tell it to you at face value.

[hurt thought]: don’t waste it? eh. i just feel triggered with that.

[clarifying thought]: it’s alright, you don’t like advices. you are anti-advices. but please be sensible. you decided to workout ‘meal’ because you saw that the car key is available. don’t skip that part and assumed i wasn’t informed. ok?

[accepting thought]: ok.. yes, you’re right

[time-checking thought]: checked the time.. it’s 6:33 am.

body: big sigh

[urging thought]: you got to go.. it’s 6:35 already. please

[grateful thought]: ok, thanks for this.

[assessing thought]: checking one last time if energy is good, mood is good to go and exercise

[affirming thought]: hahay.. yes, it’s a good energy to exercise now.

[humorous thought]: unsa ba diay.. double-check jud if ok ang mood ug lawas mag exercise ron? hahahaha naka-decide na gani.

[wisdom thought]: well mas maayo man ng mag check jud kaysa napogos. we need a healthy dose of being realistic not in the name of having a badge of self-discipline. life is long. i’ve read it somewhere. LIFE IS LONG. what’s in a hurry

[anxious thought]: well, what if I die today? you know.. what you want is not yet achieved

[philosophical thought]: hahahaha then you die. you’re living a human being life. no matter how many wants you want to get done.. there’s just no time to finish it all. sa maabtan lang sa finish line .. that means kamatayon.

[grounding thought]: i know what you mean.. wanting to lose weight kay gadali ka. oh well.. you can’t hurry that Maan. kabalo ka ana. control what you can today. wait. be patient. that’s all. ok? go and exercise now. that’s what you can control.. to do.. today. KARON ANG IMPORTANTE. tomorrow is a fantasy.

[playful scolding thought]: ADTO na. pastilan bataa. gapadugay-dugay man oi. maabtan nakag kalaay ba. moingon napod ka nga sa sunod nalang ko mag exercise kay buntag naman kaayo. lol. ridiculous

body: slight smile

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end at 6:41

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[reflective thought]: hahay 6:41 na.

body: big sigh

[self-compassionate thought]: sagdi lang Maan. you decided and chose to sit with your thoughts. and that’s valuable.

[honest thought]: kay dugay mangud maka decide if unsa ba jud buhaton. mag exercise or mag YOUTUBE.

body: small laugh

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end at 6:43 am