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Navigating Setbacks: The Dance Between Accountability and Self-Compassion

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[self-critical thought]: well, i failed again yesterday, Saturday. I ate uncontrollaby.

[curious thought]: what did you do? where? what is it fun?

[reflective thought]: yes, it’s fun, relaxing. and eating while watching Netflix, alone, no their pending tasks to do that I want to do seems complementary, isn’t it?

[compassionate thought]: well, today is a restart again. that is all there is to it. what’s important is you ‘decided’ and ‘do it’ the exercising in the morning. no time pressured how early in the working was it. what’s important is you did it. and you felt good. now, we can’t change all at once. i know what we want to change and all. but damn, dang.. it needs whole coordination with others. some roots are hard as a rock now. now, don’t get lose hope. all it wants is be patience.

[empty thought]: silence

[frustrated thought]: this is hard. why can’t it follows through. why can’t i follow thought [analytical thought]: now now, remember, you ‘chose’ to eat uncontrollably. maybe ok.. your brain triggered something down the spiral that it craves one after another to comfort you. i think.. if you can remember to just pause.. or maybe write down something in the wooshbrain about what you’re attempting or tempting to do.. it might give you a buffer of your automatic decisions.

[acceptance thought]: now, we can’t do anything about yester-day. it’s gone now. but you gain something to think about

[emotional thought]: regret

[body]: big sigh, stress response

[self-loathing thought]: i’m not liking this. i’m not liking myself anymore. i’m so hard-headed. stubborn.

[probing thought]: hmmm what else?

[observant thought]: mind distracted .. silence or no thoughts came up

[native language reassuring thought]: ok, don’t force yourself to say something negative or awful about yourself. dang, kalimot ka nga tawo ra ka. simbako. chill lang. relax. ana manjud na. magbasol dayon ta but right in the moment, mobigay dayon ka. you feel weak. no trust on yourself. that you can overcome it. intimidating kaayo ang sitwasyon. very discomforting. kinsa may gusto ana? diba?

[agreeing thought]: yeah. yes to all.

[encouraging thought]: so karon Maan.. we are building from the ground up confidence and trust to yourself organically. mao ni lisod kay kita-kita ra. we have to find what works. hindi na pwede yong anong sabi sa iba. sa kanila yun. it worked for them. while you, my dear friend…

[body]: smile

[affectionate thought]: yes, my dear friend…

[body]: big smile

[feeling]: understood and comforted

[planning thought]: ok, akong balikon ha. nagbalk naka ug exercise… that is the best thing that happened. nibalik nas imo ang gana. let’s say, let’s focus on that first ok? unsa may imong gusto 3-4x a week ka mag strength training?

[grateful thought]: yes, thank you so much. 3-4x a week.

[strategic thought]: ok.. good plan. again, this is only a plan. pwede kaayo ka mag 2x a week. depende sa imong workload, desisyon.. etc etc dira. now, importante kaayo jud nga abtik ka magdecide or oversee if you have open time especially Saturday. it’s the coziest day of the week, so more eating, more watching tv. Especially pagsugod na ug Friday. well, winter and spring less work, i guess.

[visionary thought]: you have to intentionally see or visualize what’s Saturday or Friday or any day will look like because that’s how you strategize. factor in sleep, work.. all sort of thing.

[focused thought]: i think atong focus sa ani is maka strategize si Maan nga dili sya maka-snack ug open time kay mag “eat-all-you-can” mana sya. ok?

[insightful thought]: she’s uncomfortable with open time. doing nothing. remember Oliver Burkeman’s FOUR THOUSAND WEEKS? you’ve read it. you have to be able to sit in with discomfort and accept what it is, he said. sort of that context.

[thoughtful thought]: hmmm … yes, i just can’t sit in and feel discomfort of not doing anything. i should better read that book again.

[recommending thought]: yes Maan. I think mao nay solusyon ron. eat that part of the book again. to give you consolation. console that it is ok. no need to fret. nothing to fret.

[native language speculative thought]: magdagan dagan guro kas kabuang if mag action bitaw ka nga uncomfortable ka kay wala kay gihimo. or too relaxing ra guro kaayo.

[mindful thought]: it’s a signal to watch out. it’s a practice though.

[realizing thought]: yeah, i think we unearth or dig something important here. i’m uncomfortable of doing nothing. why can’t i foresee that today is a ‘do nothing’? [understanding thought]: i think you do. you’re just clouded with wonderful and exciting emotions of getting to icecream, bread… you know experimental mode.

[body]: amused

[feeling]: at ease

[body]: sigh

[action thought]: well, get ready now. drink your milk, coffee and time to exercise now. it’s already 6:40am. got lots of work to do today.

[agreeing thought]: yes

[procrastinating thought]: should you workout today? tomorrow sort of less busy

[native language frustrated thought]: hahay ambot bajud ba.. mosingit judka. samok nga bata. magsige nalang tag ugma ugma ba. patay jud adtong ugma ani

[body]: stress response

[annoyed thought]: makaulit jud kaau ng naay mo-insert ug ingon nga “ugma nalang”… as if maka-predict unsay ugma

[reflective thought]: hmmm you’re right…..

[body]: nodding

[feeling]: sympathetic

[connecting thought]: (continue)…. dili ta ka predict unsay ugma. tomorrow is fantasy day. not real. today is real. someone said that. must be Mr. Burkeman again.

[feeling]: inspired

[decisive thought]: yes, now is real. this is what I WANT TO DO… exercise. and let’s see for another minutes if it would come.

[recalling thought]: as what Mr. Oliver Burkeman said about time or moments… ah, why am i forgetting it. blurring. that moments is only five minutes stitched together.

[appreciative thought]: ah, powerful! isn’t it? amazing. i like that

[applying thought]: yes… this is real for now. i must do something to make my dream of a better body and health a reality by deciding frame by frame, stitching by stitching 5 minutes of my time, experiences

[skeptical thought]: i don’t know won’t you get dizzy on that?

[body]: nausea a bit

[clarifying thought]: well not literally. figuratively. what’s important is she has AHA moment on how to view moments… especially decision making time…

[concerned thought]: well i hope she’s not forgetting it. or won’t forget it when she’s in a deep water or hot water.. whatever that is.

[rallying thought]: i know, we need to get all points of view to keep her moving forward. she likes that. anything new perspectives in a new angle… she gets a fire. it’s her guide. a flicker. that’s her flicker of light. we can’t lose her. she’s willing to change. let’s not be analytical or what… we are with her

[body]: stress response

[caring thought]: ok now, before you might change your mind.. enough thinking for now. go up now. time to exercise. take care mylove. take care, love. you almost got hit yesterday. always watch out. focus on driving.

[grateful thought]: yeah, thanks for the reminder. thanks all.

[body]: inhale/exhale

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end at 6:50