Morning reflections on Food Choices, Daily Planning, and Self-Talk

[reflective thought]: reflecting on last night’s dinner—overeating.

[appreciative thought]: wow, mama’s cooking with liver and that vege soup/fried really were heartwarming at the soul

[questioning thought]: oh well, it’s as if almost all foods in the afternoon or evening does it, doesn’t it?

[native language reassuring thought]: lagi, wala may kalainan guro Maan. lol

[observant thought]: laughing hard internally like finding it too amusing

[body]: smiling

[feeling]: amused

[affirming thought]: well this is not new but taken that it was really good.. because it was really good fine cooking.. can’t take that truth away.

[analytical thought]: i guess what we really want to do next is that #1.. Maan Gail was able to hold off or contain herself until required time like 18:40 to eat dinner, didn’t she?

[celebratory thought]: yes, she did1

[body]: smiling

[feeling]: proud

[validating thought]: and we can’t discount that because it takes focus and a little distraction to the mind to not keep on thinking of food right? especially setting a time limit. it was hard and worth it.

[planning thought]: so moving forward, as of today, we know that today’s schedule of Maan Gail is almost basically empty. well she needs to clean 275 building and then line-up at CDK for the TB immunization for her PSW requirements.

[intention thought]: i was also thinking that after lunch I’d go exercise. i was planning about it last night before going to bed, but when I wake up.. my body’s not cooperating and my thoughts are doubting.

[protective thought]: sometimes, it’s a safety concern for me like you alone are just out in the house. i dont know maybe cultural thing. or just being wanting to be safe.. i still want to go home to be with my son

[accepting thought]: hmmm fair enough

[scheduling thought]: so, yes, we can do the exercising afternoon maybe 2pm, let’s say like that

[priority thought]: but Dragan will be home by 4pm. I can’t missed greeting him. He needs me. He used to complain about it last year where I am mostly out in the house either work and networking and for others events. I just can’t do that anymore.

[summarizing thought]: ok, now we have this framing so we can plan well. things to consider right. most importantly, for Dragan.

[redirecting thought]: so, after lunch,..

[reminding thought]: oh we’re going we need to go the police station for background check request .. again for PSW course requirement. we have to start doing it because next week will be her class. just do what you can today, ok Maan?

[agreeing thought]: ok, I agree.

[distracted thought]: and tomorrow you’ll sing at the church

[confused thought]: what’s got to do with that now?

[feeling]: confused, mild irritation

[body]: stress response, light throbbing headache at both sides of the head

[orienting thought]: now we’re lost. where are we again?

[urgent thought]: as i was saying, after lunc, when all things are done.. and when Marc will arrive and the white car is available, Maan Gail will start exercising again after a week of sickness. she has to. the body can’t wait. sickness can’t wait. IT JUST DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY.

[silent agreeing thought]: mentally agreeing inside the void dark mind

[acknowledging thought]: ok got it..

[action thought]: i got to cook rice now..

[feeling]: impatient

[body]: body’s ready to go, to stand up and cook rice and prep breakfast

[practical thought]: drink your coffee. it’s getting cold

[critical thought]: you shouldn’t watch YT as early as waking up. you know this is more important.. letting your thoughts out and convene that watching US Politics. not our concern, aren’t it?

[judgmental thought]: you’re just looking for excitement because writing like this is boring and takes mental stuff, while watching is dopamine indulgent. and now you’re in a hurry to prep breakfast. pathetic. absurd

[feeling]: guilt

[body]: stress response

[regretful thought]: well, you’re right. i should know better. i should have known better. it’s just addicting

[accusatory thought]: because you’re listening too much of that high frequency thought. you always prefer that thought over others. you can’t even listen nor tried to sit on it and see if that’s what others would do.

[time-checking thought]: checking the time it’s 6:36

[concluding thought]: this is too much for now. i have to get up and cook now. but thanks for all your time. i’ll take note of it, rather than jumping off the YT wagon early in the morning. brb

[body]: stress response

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[meta-reflective thought]: it feels like something’s off. i ended with feeling stupid again

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[harsh critical thought]: because you are. you know that. stop pretending you aren’t

[mediating thought]: oh boy, that’s harsh for you to say

[native language scolding thought]: ah MAAN GAIL.. kay tinuod na. do something about it. pa-blind blind pa judna sya. ingon ana judna.. dili ganahan maistoryahan. pa guilty guilty effect. hahay, hangtod kanus-a manka makatoon bi. kanang mamatay naka daun you’d feel regret nganong nag ingon ana manko oi.

[compassionate thought]: hey, don’t be rude. accept too that that’s being a human at work. dili na sayon. she’ll learn through it. painfully and slowly. that’s the way it is. but it’s also good that someone can point out to her at face value. but i know.. that’s where maturity comes.

[rushed concluding thought]: ok everyone, i have to cook now. thanks for pointing out. gosh, it’s 6:40!!