📍Kingston, ON

Morning Mind Battle: A Dialogue with My Inner Voices

[trigger]: checking husband’s messages in Messenger

[visual]: fitness and health quotes reminding me

[defensive thought]: Whatever. I know them all. I was a Certified Personal Trainer and Nutrition Coach.
[avoidance reaction]: blocked off any potential info to get inside the mind
[body]: tensed muscles, probably heat face
[wise voice]: Maan ayaw pag-ana. (Come on, don’t be like that.)
[body + mind reaction]: taken aback and checked the quotes instead of blocking it
[conscious]: let me see
[irritated thought]: Imagine that’s what you read first thing in the morning
[mediating voice]: He’s trying to protect you.
[resentful thought]: Whatever. Why can’t he wait? He thinks ingon ana jud kasayon? Magsigeg pangotana nganong dili sayon i-change ang mindset. Simple ra daw. So good for him! Kasamok ba. (Whatever. Why can’t he wait? He thinks it’s that easy? Always asking why it’s not easy to change mindset. Says it’s simple. Good for him! How annoying.)
[nurturing voice]: Na na tahan na. Gusto man kaha ka. (There, there, calm down. You want this too.)
[overwhelmed thought]: Of course. Pero gapangita pakos kasulbaran sa akong kaugalingon. Sigeg pang advise. Unahon kaha na niya iyang pamilya nganong dili pod sila. Samok. Dili kahulat. Lisod ng pila na katuig ga exercise kay maglisod ug sabot sa ubang utok. Whatever. Magtoon kaha sya ug psychology para makasabot ug ngano kaha jud ba. Bwesit ba jud. (Of course. But I’m still looking for solutions on my own. Always giving advice. Maybe he should focus on his family first, why not them too. Annoying. Can’t wait. It’s difficult when you’ve exercised for years to understand others’ mindsets. Whatever. Maybe he should study psychology to understand why. So annoying.)
[critical inner voice]: Unsa manjuy issue sa imo? (What exactly is your issue?)
[frustrated thought]: Maghulat sya. Daghan nag pressure sa kinabuhi. Pisti ba jud ning lawas nga atimanon pa jud kaau. Naa poy kalibutan nga ambot lang unsay dagan. (He should wait. There’s already so much pressure in life. Damn this body that needs so much care. And there’s a world out there with who knows what’s happening.)
[empathetic voice]: Hay daghan kaayo kag problema (Sigh, you have so many problems)
[resigned thought]: Aw natoral. Lisod jud magbalanse (Oh naturally. It’s really hard to balance everything)
[reality-check voice]: Magsige lang logar kag kasuko ani. Lol. Hangtod kanus-a manpod. Mamatay nalang kag kunsimisyon matambagan. (You’ll just keep getting angry about this. Lol. Until when? You’ll die from overthinking about getting advice.)
[tough love voice]: So dili judka ganahan tambagan kay kabalo naman ka tanan pero way aplikasyon. Saba ragud diha. Paminaw ba. (So you really don’t like advice because you already know everything but don’t apply it. Just be quiet. Listen.)
[logical voice]: Paghunahuna ug tarong diha. Accept sa kamatooran. (Think properly. Accept the truth.)
[body]: ngolngol ulo, elevated heart rate (throbbing head, elevated heart rate)
[emotions]: feeling down
[conscious]: I can’t.
[stern inner voice]: Ayaw pagahi gahi ug ulo. Mao na diha. Mao nay sakit nimo. Tinuod manjud. (Don’t be so stubborn. That’s it right there. That’s your problem. It’s really true.)
[curious voice]: Dili ka gahan sa approach? (You don’t like the approach?)
[conscious]: Bisan unsay approach kung gikan sa bana. (Whatever the approach if it’s from my husband.)
[patient voice]: Sige naman gud. (Come on now.)
[compassionate thought]: Basin gitambokan nas imo. (Maybe he’s just concerned about you.)
[body]: genuinely amused and gave a short laugh
[mischievous thought]: Lami man lawas sa imong bana gud. Natoral. (Your husband has a nice body. Naturally.)
[conscious]: Hahaha buang. (Hahaha crazy.)
[teasing voice]: Paminaw na. Sus pabuang-buang pa jud. Dili pa ka ana para lami podka. (Listen already. Geez, acting all crazy. You’re not at that level yet to look good too.)
[conscious]: Hahahaha samok oi. Hay ambot ninyo. Sige lagi lagi. Hahay wala judtay kadaogan ani ba? (Hahahaha so annoying. Sigh, I don’t know about you all. Fine, fine. Sigh, there’s no winning this, is there?)
[conscious]: Sakto na.. wala nay daghang yawyaw ok? (Referring to other thoughts). End of story now. (That’s enough.. no more chattering, ok? End of story now.)
[cautionary voice]: Bantay bitaw. Ayaw jud pagtinamala. Gasimag lang ang mata. (Be careful though. Don’t be careless. Just opening your eyes fully.)
[conscious]: Hay! (Sigh!)

Brief Reflection:
This morning’s inner battle reveals how I instantly resist health advice from my husband, despite my professional background in fitness. The fascinating dialogue between my defensive self and wiser voices shows how my mind uses both English and Cebuano to process emotional resistance. I notice that no matter the approach, I struggle to receive input from my husband specifically – a pattern worth examining as I continue adapting to our new life in Canada.

Weather: Cloudy, -5°C, light snow falling
Mood: ⚡ Irritated → 😏 Resigned → 😌 Accepting
Physical state: Tired, pre-coffee, slightly achy from yesterday’s move